My first sexual experience was disappointing, to say the least. Since then I have always had the feeling that something was missing when I was having sex. You could say I was an okay lover. That is to say I never had any complaints (did you hear that before?). I was ashamed to talk to my buddies about my insecurities when it came to my sexual prowess. And judging by what my buddies told me about their ‘trophies’, they were either well educated in the sexual arts, or just as ashamed as I was.
Sex, for the first part of my life, seemed to be something you just did, just fumbling along without the proper training, hoping you got it right but never knowing for sure. My self-image as a sexual being was very fragile and dependent on the appreciation of my lovers. I read books and searched the internet about how to make a women come, and about what tips and tricks I could apply to make me a great lover. This had a certain effect, but the sex still left me unsatisfied and unfulfilled. There was this nagging feeling that there had to be more to sex than I was experiencing.
Things changed when I stumbled upon the book “The Multi-orgasmic man”, by tao master Mantak Chia. Then I discovered the teachings of tantra master David Deida. Shortly after that I became a student of my current tantra school. It was love at first sight. All my blindly accepted belief systems around sex and sexuality were challenged. It was as if my eyes were open for the first time and I could see the sexual landscape behind my insecurities, my shame, and the taboos I had been carrying around unknowingly for most of my life. What I saw looked more than just promising. It looked outright miraculously, juicy, horny and - yes - healthy.
It was in tantra that I learnt that men and women have totally different and equally important roles when it comes to creating great sex together, and how both have their specific rewards and challenges. I also learnt, through trial and error, how a strong, present and vulnerable man can lead almost any woman into sexual ecstasy. Most importantly, I experienced first hand that you really can melt together with your lover and disappear in each other until there is nothing left but two bodies dancing with each other in perfect harmony and bliss.