“Yumm, you feel so juicy and amazing and I love every part of your body,” he whispers in my ear while we make love. I enjoy this moment too, and feel my body relax even deeper while hearing his words of appreciation. “Your pussy is so beautiful, and feels so tight!” I suddenly feel my breathing stop, and I sit up, with a slightly confused expression plastered across my face. “Huh, what did you just say? My pussy feels what??”
Somehow these words had such a strong effect on me. Instead of relaxing more, feeling even more beautiful and sensual, I felt my body contracting. Indeed, now my pussy feels tight. And needless to say, it does not feel good at all.
In this blog you will read about the natural state of the yoni, which is relaxed and open and certainly not tight. Many women experience pain, numbness and tension in their vaginas. Tight pussies keep you from experiencing epic orgasms. When you allow your vagina to relax, to heal and to return to it’s natural state of being,you can bring much more pleasure, feeling and depth into your sex life.
A bit later, still laying in bed, I asked him “Why did you say that? Is tight really how it feels for you? I felt so relaxed, and open. Tight felt like the opposite of how I experienced you inside of me. And how I love to feel you inside of me. Close, but not tight.”
“You’re right”, he said. “I thought it sounded sexy, and that it was something you would like to hear. I thought this is what all women like to hear, but perhaps that is not exactly true.”
Somehow we started to believe the illusion that pussies, yonis and vaginas are hairless, smell like roses and don’t have visible labia. And above all, that pussies need to feel tight. That tight equals sexy. That without being tight, your man won’t feel much.
As is true with all amazing wisdom, it is full of paradoxes. The more you try to hold on to something, the more likely you are to lose it. Life does not like tight, forced grips. Life loves being held gently by something else than force. And sex flows way more better when two bodies are relaxed and open.
Now we come to what I like to call ‘The natural state of the yoni’. I use the word ‘yoni’ here, which comes from Sanskrit and means ‘Sacred Space’. The yoni is a universe in itself and this is no joke. It seems like an infinite space, due to the structure and the feel of the vaginal membrane tissue.
As a sexological bodyworker, I have (professionally) seen and touched numerous women’s vaginas. I can tell you, no two vaginas are the same. However, what they all have in common is a certain mystical quality. When the yoni truly opens, both men and women can be taken on a journey that can be best described as a trance-like state. A state of orgasm that is beyond the feeling of physical pleasure and release.
Often, this space of mystery and unexpected experiences can stay hidden behind layers of tension and even trauma. Tension in the vagina and pelvic floor is caused by stress, feelings of unsafety and unease, or traumatic experiences in the past. On an emotional level, this causes suppression of your sensuality and sexual energy. On a physical level, this can cause numbness, dryness, tightness and pain in the vagina. It doesn't necessarily mean that a woman won’t be aroused or can’t orgasm, but these kind of orgasms can feel too intense and perhaps deter you from reaching the spiritual experience that you are most certainly capable of. To put it bluntly: Tension in your pelvic floor and a tight pussy is preventing you from experiencing epic orgasms.
Epic orgasms? I’m sure I got your attention there! Let’s dive in a bit deeper into this very interesting topic. Roughly we can divide orgasms in two main categories. Most well-known orgasms for women are clitoral orgasms, which can be explosive, short and powerful. Sometimes it is referred to as ‘peak’ orgasm or ‘male’ orgasm. However, the vaginal canal, including the G-spot and many other pleasure spots located inside, allow for a whole range of other orgasms called ‘valley’ or ‘female’ orgasms. These orgasms feel much more deep, expansive and long lasting.
To reach this deeper form of vaginal orgasm, relaxation is key. A full surrender and openness to the feeling of being penetrated on a physical, emotional and even energetical level. Feelings of stress, fear, a need for control or not being able to let go – all of these things will limit your ability to experience deeper orgasms.
These deep orgasms work more with feeling energy than friction. Have you ever noticed that you can hold a tampon or mooncup easily all day, without feeling it? This is because the inner walls of your vagina are not necessarily very sensitive to touch, or friction. However, the vaginal walls and cervix are extremely sensitive to energy and internal orgasmic spots, like the G-spot or A-spot, do really well with a kind of sucking movement. Also here, tightness, pumping or creating friction will not really push the magic button.
On a physical level, tension in the walls of the vagina forms a kind of protective barrier for experiencing energy and therefore pleasure. In a way, your vagina sets barriers for you in order to protect you from experiencing intense orgasms which can be emotionally overwhelming. The underlying emotions and feelings might need a bit more time, and a gentle approach combined with a safe space and a willingness to feel all there is without any expectations. Receiving a yoni massage can be a great way to slowly bring down the walls of tension that have been built up over time.
As a therapist, when tension is released I often feel the physical changes of the vaginal tissue almost instantly. Releasing tension often goes hand in hand with shedding some tears and feeling a wide range of emotions. When these emotions are felt, there is no need for them to stay in the body in the form of tension. It feels almost like the tension melts and vaginal tissue becomes soft and moist and elastic again. The former ‘tight pussy’ changes into a soft, juicy, vibrant and happy pussy! Your tissue will become much more sensitive to pleasure and will always have a natural level of moisture, which is important for your vaginal health. Your vagina will look, feel and smell like, well… like pussy! Beautiful, unique, vibrant and alive. Her natural state of being.
This process of opening takes courage and time. It is usually not reached overnight. However, allowing your vagina to return to her natural state of being will not only give you much more pleasure and depth in your sexual life, it also opens up a source of wisdom and guidance, that will be with you always. As Margot Anand, godmother of Tantra and extremely Wise Woman stated: “There is a great guru between your legs.”
About the author
With a background in Biomedicine, Brechtje has always been fascinated by the human body. And the discovery of Tantra has added even more fascination and respect for our body and being. Brechtje studied tantric massage, therapeutic bodywork and Tao Tantra. She gives sexological bodywork sessions - especially on the field where tantra & therapeutics meet - and she facilitates tantra workshops and yoni egg trainings for women in The Netherlands and abroad. For more information and calendar: www.werkplaatsvoorgeluk.nl
Eager to know more?
If you have some questions about the natural state of the pussy or its orgasmic potential, let us know in the comments below. We would love to hear from you! We may create a blog or video to answer your questions, or ask one of our other experts to do so.
And if you want to learn more about real, practical tantra, be sure to check out our available online courses here. We have created our courses specifically to help you create a deep and ecstatic connection with your partner ánd yourself 🔥⚡