During sex, many of us are used to being in their heads most of the time, thinking about work, about what to eat for dinner, when to walk the dog, secretly fantasising about this hot colleague or the woman that smiled at you on the street. The result is, we are mostly stuck in our heads, and not really feeling our bodies. And who can blame us? Most of us are never properly taught to be present during sex, with our own bodies as well as with the body of the person we are with. The results: boring, repetitive, dispassionate and disconnected sex.

We enjoy the sex by basically doing exactly the same things that worked before, that we always did, copying our moves that we see with our minds eye. We are not listening to what our senses are telling us, we are not following the impulses that we feel to touch, move, act, moan, kiss, slap in a certain way. While doing exactly that, listening to our senses and acting on our impulses, is what makes sex amazing, fresh and juicy again. This is what brings sex beyond the mere rabbit-like behaviour, and elevates it to a level that will - in a very real sense - blow your mind away :)

In this video I talk about how important it is to be present and to stop trying to “do things” during sex. About what happens when I man is not present with his woman during sex, how this will create a sense of unsafety for her, and how this will make it difficult for her to let go of control. After all, why would you as a woman (or a man, for that part) let go and sexually surrender to another, if that other isn’t holding space for you but instead is totally lost in his own body and sensations?

Try switching roles for a change

And women - if you now think after reading this “YES, that is soo TRUE!” - try switching roles with your man for a change. That way you will experience just how difficult it is to tune into your man, to listen to your senses and follow your intuition, to play with him WHILE holding space for him so he feels safe and seen! And to all you men out there: Yes, if you want to know just how hard it is to let go for your woman and to trust you that you actually, REALLY know what you are doing: see if you can surrender to your woman while she is playing with you, trusting her to do the right thing.

And if you want to learn more about real, practical tantra, be sure to check out our available online courses here. We have created our courses specifically to help you create a deep and ecstatic connection with your partner ánd yourself 🔥⚡