Please read the text below also, as it contains valuable info not covered in the video.
Many of the couples I have coached told me that they are afraid to express their sexual desires to their partner. They fear that their partner would take this the wrong way. That the other feels as if they are doing something wrong. And that is why the people I worked with, until I started coaching them, rather kept their mouth shut, not sharing their burning desires with the person they loved most. And - importantly - feeling resentment that the other would not intuit what this was…
We think that our partner should know what we like in the bedroom, even if we have not communicated this explicitly. And unless you have a mind reader as a partner, that is often NOT the case. Heck, quite a few of us don’t even know ourselves what we really like in the bedroom, or are afraid to admit it to ourselves, let alone our partner.
We all have our private ideas or beliefs what sex ought to be. And perhaps we are not (yet?) willing or ready to share our secret sexual fantasies with our partners as we are afraid it might upset them , or they become angry, or if the will feel ‘not good enough’ because of this.
Luckily, expressing your sexual desires, WITHOUT your partner feeling that they or their sexual capacities are under attack, is something you can learn. Perhaps you wonder why you should share your desires with your partner in the first place? Good question! One of the ingredients of an epic sex life is that you actually find out what both you and your partner really like, what you like to do, how you like to be touched. Trying out new things - or sharing about these beforehand - opens up a whole new spectrum of sexual possibilities. Sharing about what you would like in the bedroom may be scary at first. But it will surely help in bringing in (or back :) the fun, juiciness, freshness and passion in the bedroom.
In the video I talk about how you could start with an easy exercise to start expressing your desires. And as with all things that you learn: the point is not to get it right immediately, but to train yourself to become better at it. So don’t expect everything to go flawlessly at first, and don’t take yourself too seriously.
And if you don’t really know what your desires are, don’t worry. My experience after working with hundreds of couples is that both sides regularly didn’t really know what they liked until they just started trying out things that they hadn’t done before. And just see and experience where that takes you :)