Sometimes, women share with me that their partners disconnect from them during lovemaking. And this can be a little bit, well...painful experience, especially when they are in the process of letting go, sexually surrendering to their man, and trusting them to 'stay' with them.

It is true that it can be very challenging for the masculine* (the one sexually taking the lead) to NOT get lost in their own bodily sensations. When everything in your body feels so ecstatic, it is hard to stay present.

Of course, there is nothing wrong at times to be on a ship without a captain, bobbing on the tranquil ocean's waves. But when the waves get higher, you want someone at the helm. If there is no one in charge to direct the ship, you will not get anywhere.

The same goes for the sexual play. When both partners get lost in their sensations, lovemaking can still feel nice, but since no one is leading, and no one is following, it lacks the depth that transforms your lovemaking in the most beautiful and ecstatic art form that is available to us humans.

It lacks inspiration. It becomes mechanical. It loses its freshness.

In this video, I talk about what exactly happens when you, as the supposed captain of the ship, lose your presence and get lost in your own sensations. I talk about why this creates a sense of unsafety for your partner. When this happens, your partner may to a certain extent lose his/her trust in your ability as a captain, and it will become difficult for your partner to stay fully open to you.

*When I refer to the masculine here, I mean the person who is the one is taking the lead. The masculine in this case is the person who is supposed to create a safe space in which the other can let go/surrender (the "feminine" role).