Often I am asked how I - being a man - can talk from the feminine perspective, explaining to men (and voicing it for women) what women need in order to feel safe and sexually surrender to them.

Let me tell you this:

It can be very challenging for the feminine to trust the masculine during sex. No matter how often your partner (often the woman as most women have a feminine core) explains about the different challenges they face being in the feminine role, you will only REALLY start to get it when you switch roles now and then, and experience it first hand in your own feminine. (By the way, this also works the other way around: if you want to know the specific challenges of the masculine role, the best way to found out is to practice being in your masculine).

That is how I learned everything I know from what the feminine really wants and needs in the bedroom: by being in my feminine myself.

I would say that, in order for a man (or a woman) to become a great lover, they need to experience what it is like to be ‘the other’ until they are totally comfortable with it. Only then will you be able to fully tune in to your partner, intuit what she is feeling during sex, and able to merge together in a way that transcends any mind-made description or conceptualisation.

(As a sidenote: ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ don’t point to gender, although often men are more comfortable in their ‘masculine’ sexually speaking, and women are more comfortable in their ‘feminine’).

Click on the following video where I talk about my personal experiences in my feminine, and what vital lessons I learned from this:


Let me say this again, as it may sound counterintuitive: guys, in order to become better in taking the lead (the archetypical ‘masculine’ role) during your sexual play, it helps immensely if you learn the challenges of surrendering/letting go (the archetypical ‘feminine’ role).

Let’s assume for now that you are a man and like to be in your masculine during sex (taking charge, leading), and that your partner is a woman and likes to be in her feminine during sex.If you learn to surrender to your her in the bedroom, where she will be calling the shots and playing with you, a few things may happen:

  1. you will understand just how challenging it can be to actually surrender, not interfere, and trust that your partner knows what she is doing (or don’t trust her, but still not taking back control, that is tough work guys)
  2. Your woman will understand just how challenging it is to actually take the lead, stay present with you and not lose herself in her own feelings (if she gets lost in her sensations, and you have surrendered to her, there is no one in charge anymore, polarity goes out of the window and chances are you will both disconnect from each other)
  3. When you both switch back to your more common roles, you in your masculine and she in her feminine, you may have gained some more sympathy for your partner and the specific challenges the other faces during sex with you.
  4. The more relaxed and acquainted you get with connecting with your feminine (or what I would call playing with ‘reversed polarity’), the more clear it gets what she wants to feel from you when you are in your masculine. This is because, when you are in your feminine, you may experience you want the same from her! Concepts like safety and trust may actually start to mean something to you. The other way around, your woman may actually understand better how scary it can be to try out something new, not knowing if you will like it or not (the fear of rejection is a big one for us men, girls).

Also watch this video in which I talk about this and what a man can do to practice taking the lead in the bedroom and why it helps immensely if he gets to know his feminine better.

And if you want to learn more about real, practical tantra, be sure to check out our available online courses here. In our course we will take you by the hand to discover both your masculine and feminine side, and teach you how to bring back (or make stronger) the passion, polarity, fun and pleasure into the bedroom 😁.