This blog is part 1 of the "Expand your Pleasure: how men can delay their orgasm" blog series.

The 5 minute disaster

On average, the act of having sex takes about 5 minutes. This may be enough for both of you to have a quick orgasm, but it is not nearly enough to bring any woman into sexual ecstasy. If you want to experience great sex and mind-blowing orgasms, you will have to work on your stamina. Men in general are very goal-oriented when it comes to sex. They are mostly busy with working towards their orgasm during sex. Some men will put a sub-goal in between, like for example that his lover has to have an orgasm first before he ejaculates. But in one way or the other, their short-lived ejaculatory orgasm is what they will have in mind. If you want to become an ultimate lover, you will need to let go of this somewhat obsessive focus on cumming.

Letting go of what I would call the cumming addiction is not an easy task to do. Your body is literally wired to want to release sexual tension in a few contractions and pumps that constitutes the short-lived orgasm that we call ejaculation. And when you have never experienced the
bliss of prolonged sexing, whereby you can ‘surf’ for hours on 95% close to your orgasm, or experience a total full body orgasm that electrifies every cell of your body for minutes on end,
it requires a little faith and perseverance. When you get to this point, you may even choose to bypass your ejaculation altogether, because it is just not that interesting anymore. But also if you don’t feel like giving up on your ejaculation just yet, which I can fully understand (I have been there too), you still need to learn how to delay your ejaculation and be able to have sex for at least half an hour to have the chance to get your woman into a state of bliss.

I often hear men say that they jerk off and ejaculate before going on a date, so that they can last longer when it comes to sex. Or that they don’t mind cumming because they can quickly get their hard-on back, ready for another round. I understand why men say that, because I have been saying the same for a long time. This is a way of scarcity thinking, and will become increasingly unnecessary when your capacities as an ultimate lover grow and develop.

It is possible to have sex for as long as you want without first needing to release yourself. The act of having an orgasm before can actually be counter-productive. You don’t want to waste your sexual energy beforehand, because you will need all of it to lead your woman into deep surrender and sexual ecstasy.

As a side note, if you choose to ejaculate less often, you may notice that your erections will get harder and last longer as well.

In the following blogs, I'll dive deeper into a few of the most important (and easy) things you can do to delay your orgasm. And we will start with the most important of all: how to breathe (and if you think this is boring, this will probably say something about your qualities as a lover already). In other blogs we'll dive into related topics like maintaining eye contact during sex as well.