I’m in the business of true intimacy.
I teach people how to intimately connect with themselves and their own bodies, and how they can extend this connection to others.
I teach them how to get out of their heads and into their bodies, so that they experience what it really feels like to fully embrace the present moment.
My work is about allowing in the sensuality of life, by being open to the world in whatever form it takes, whether that be in the form of intimate partners, nature, friends, children.
I show them how beautiful it can be and feel when you truly engage with others, and how to safely engage with the challenges this may invoke, be it insecurities, hurt or grief, old or unhelpful patterns, and childhood strategies that resurface.
Because it can be a scary thing to truly connect with ourselves and open up to the world.
There are many ways one can help people to do this.
I've chosen to help people in the best way I know how, and that is through sexual intimacy.
By teaching people how they can personally experience what true intimacy looks like,
I empower them to transform so much more than just their sex life.
When I explain what kind of work I do without using the Dreaded Three Letter word - you know - s€x? - on social media channels often written in code to not anger the big censorship overlords - many people that I talk to say that true intimacy and connection is what they are looking for.
However, as soon as I use the word sex or sexuality, many people clam up, get uncomfortable, turn away.
Why is that?
Because there is so much taboo, shame and guilt around this topic, even though sex is by far one of the most important social acts that not only we human beings, but almost all other living creatures on the planet engage in.
At the same time, it's one of the most difficult subjects to talk about, which is why a proper and healthy sex education in our society and in our schools is painfully lacking.
Most of us just fumble along all our lives, with our burden of shame, taboos and beliefs around sex.
We’re making use of constrained strategies in the bedroom that at best don’t REALLY get our needs met, and at worst are damaging to both ourselves and our bed partners.
I would say that sex is something that many of us do...badly.
And that's a shame.
Because you know...this is something you can really learn to do better.
It can be so much more beautiful than what most of us are experiencing.
Great sex is not about learning tricks and techniques, folks.
The internet is full of them, and almost all of them suck.
Great sex is about feeling yourself, your own body, first and foremost.
It's about expressing yourself, verbally and with your body.
Only after that will it be about feeling someone else, someone else's body.
You cannot truly feel somebody else when you're stuck in your head, in your thoughts and beliefs.
You can only really feel somebody else through your own body.
Your body is your antenna.
And when it's not aligned or even turned off, you will only receive static noise on all channels.
Because of erroneous cultural and religious messages that many of us have been served since we’ve been toddlers, we find ourselves stuck with harmful belief systems around what sex is supposed to be, and what it’s definitely not. And since this has been a very long-standing pandemic of its own, these messages not only come to us through the media, movies and porn. Also many of the people that we trust most, our peers, parents, teachers, deliver us the same message.
It’s sinful. It’s shameful. It’s wrong.
You’re not supposed to talk about it. You should suppress your urges. You don’t talk about your desires. Pleasing the other is good, pleasing yourself is bad. And so on and so on.
The reality of everyday life for most of us is that the external world decides how our own, unique sexuality is supposed to look like.
And the result is that many of the people I work with don’t really know what they truly long for themselves.
The good thing is that we now have so much great information around sex that is available to everyone in ways that we could only dream of as recently as 20 years ago.
The difficult thing is the people that run the systems that make it possible for us all to benefit from this abundance of good information - and I’m mostly thinking about social media channels - are actively impeding spreading important knowledge through algorithms and company policies.
Perhaps this is because they are unwilling to share such sensitive topics because of how it could damage their business and company shareholders' value.
Or perhaps they get just as uncomfortable as many others when addressing this topic and prefer to keep their heads in the sand.
Or perhaps they just don’t care.
I understand that it’s a difficult task even for companies like Facebook or Google, for all their immense power and influence, to develop a supportive framework in which good and healthy information and help around sex can thrive.
But with great power comes great responsibility.
And by not taking responsibility on this topic, they are indirectly contributing to the proliferation of bad or even harmful information around DTL with all its nasty consequences.
A good first step would be if we could just have proper conversations about sex on social media.
Right now I am unable to use the word sex on my social media channels without getting censored or shadowbanned due to the very strict policies about anything related to sensitive and explicit content.
If we can’t even properly address the topic with using and correctly spelling words that have made it to the Oxford dictionary and are older than the Bible, how can we ever begin to have a proper sex education?
I would love it if people could choose the censorship options themselves instead of the algorithms deciding what you're shown or what you are not shown.
More and more people, great sex educators, therapists, coaches and influencers are trying to change the narrative, which is wonderful.
But it’s not enough yet to turn the tide of centuries of wrongful indoctrination around the topic of sex.
Some help from the big tech companies could really accelerate this process and create momentum for positive change that would benefit many, not just those who know what to look for.
To the people behind Facebook, Instagram, Google, that are actually capable of instigating change, I would like to say this:
You not only have the power to help create a system that supports healthy discussions around sex and sensuality and the spreading of qualitatively good and helpful information on the topic. You also have a responsibility here.
Thanks for reading. Please share this blog if you agree with this and start discussions in your own circles to get the ball rolling.